I just read a story about a 41 yr old woman who is unemployed and pregnant.

if I had ONE thing to say to this mother is PLEASE adopt out that baby!!!

I kept mine, much for the same reasons she said.  I wasn’t going to go basket case because my mother and my ex both wanted me to abort the child.  I knew that was the wrong option in about 5 mins… maybe 10 like she said.

I thought about adoption but like her I said, who could love this child more than I can?  There’s no way!!  I can’t provide everything but love… love is enough!  Isn’t it?  That’s what they say in commercials anyway…

At the time, I was 22 and I believed those commercials and Hollywood moments.  What girl wouldn’t?  That’s all I had!  My “parents” if you can call them that, were anything but what the word was supposed to be.  They were my DNA donors at best.

In my mind, I might as well have been 15…the counselor I went to see thought I was.  They were ready to send me to a program for teenage mothers where I would learn all these things that for whatever reason, they only teach if you’re a teenage mom but honestly I think ALL mom’s should learn those things!

What to do when the child is screaming and you’re tired…what to do when the kid wants something but you have no clue what it is…how do you not eat your own young when you think you’ve had enough?!  lol.  You know, the usual challenges in parenthood plus how to get a job and keep it when your time is now divided.

I digress…  the point is, I at 22 was no ready to be a mom as this lady is at 41 or the girls in the teen shows.  But hindsight is 20/20.

I love my child.  Would not trade her for the world. She IS my world.  If she died I would have nothing.  I honestly do not know how people handle the death of their kids and live on.  They’re stronger than me, that’s for sure…

I devoted my whole life to my kid.  Put her above any job or relationship or anything else while she was growing up.  I swore off men and was just a mom.  I was completely celibate 15 years or so.

But that wasn’t enough…  I was never able to provide her with the things a child should have.  Her clothes and shoes weren’t always new and she had to wear them til they died, pretty much.  She couldn’t have bright shiny toys and often heard “we can’t afford it” too many times.  She knew she was loved but had to deal with public school BS.  She had learning disabilities to boot and I would take her there but only because they had grants.  Without those, she would have been further behind.  Her education, however, was like other kids in the public school system, dismal at best.

I helped as much as I could and I encouraged her.  She graduated high school now and is off to state college.  I can’t afford a “real” college but that’s OK, she likes state and now a days it doesn’t seem to matter where the piece of paper comes from, only that they have that diploma.

But none of things matter as much as never been able to provide a stable home with two parents who love her.  A dad who can put things into a different perspective than a mom can.  No dad to say to me, hon, you’re emotional, let her do x y z, she’ll be fine.  No dad to take her to father daughter dances or to have a special day or talk with things only a dad can say.

I’m a bit of a hybrid so I did the best I can.  We went out on father’s day just the two of us (which is normal) but I played ‘dad’ that day.  I tried not to be so emotional and encouraged her to try different things. And still I see it’s not enough.  I tried to tell her about boys and drugs and all that other stuff.  So far she’s doing well…but still… I feel she’s missing something.

I picked the wrong man to be her father and though we married it wasn’t enough. *I* wasn’t enough.  So until I die, that guilt will be with me.  And so is the shame and guilt I feel over being selfish.  I didn’t think about HER.  I thought about ME.  How *I* would feel if I had adopt her out.  Never did I think about how she would feel growing up… unbalanced…or in a home where dad and male figures just do not exist.  How could I explain to her how a relationship works when she never even saw a man in the house?  How does she know how she should be treated if she’s never seen it?  I’ve told her and she has a nice boyfriend now, but does she *really* know?  Or is he only nice when I’m around?

Anyway, this is my story.  I would tell her, adopt the baby out.  Save yourself the guilt and learn to live with the empty hole that no doubt, will be in your heart forever.

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