How I could steal your guy and not just because I’m a cougar now.

I realise cougars are a hot trend right now and I am with a guy who’s 10 years younger than me so they tell me I’m a cougar now, just for that.  Honestly, that was never a goal I set out for myself.  He was cute and he was nice and that’s what did the whole one thing led to another thing.  Do I enjoy being a cougar?  Not particularly…other than yeah, my dude’s cuter than the dudes my age or older.  I tend to go for personality.

BUT if I really wanted to get a hot young guy, I could.  And this is the reason for this post.   See, we “older” gals have a couple of thigns going for us.  We are usually drama free.  We know what we want and we get it.  We don’t make mountains out of molehills out of most situations.  We tend to be laid back.  And well, they say we have more skills than the younger girls in the bedroom.  I wouldn’t know.  I’ve never been with a young girl and I don’t really want to do that so I’ll take the guys’ word for it on that one.  I do know I don’t have the hang ups on looks that I did when I was younger, so I can be more relaxed and “into it” vs. worrying.  For some reason, guys think that’s hot.  Go figure.  And one last thing?  We know how to take care of young guys…well, guys in general…  This could mean in the bedroom and out of it.

So what’s a young chickie supposed to do?  Well, for one thing take care of your guy.  Don’t let your drama get ridiculous.  I realise that in your 20’s everything is such a huge deal but trust me, it’s not.  There is NOTHING in the world worth the aggravation.  You know what else we’re good at?  Listening to your guy.  So when you guys are all hung up in your next shoe or fashion drama or figuring out what his next dick mood is, there I am, listening to him and asking him about HIS day and what is going on in HIS life.

When you’re bitching about how he never spends time with you because he likes to go out with his friends, I’m the one having fun with him and his friends.  I don’t care if he goes or not.  I only care that he comes back in one piece.  If he likes to play video games, chances are I’m playing games with him.   And if he wants to be alone, I don’t get up in his face about it.  I give him alone time.   When you complain that he doesn’t care because he forgot to get you flowers, I’m the one who says that’s OK, you can get me flowers tomorrow.  Or if he can’t make that “special” date because he’s working and you go crazy?  I’m the one who says who cares, we’ll do it another day.

When you’re griping and trying to guilt trip him into marrying you, I’mt he one saying I don’t want to get married.  I just want to have fun.  Chances are, my biological clock has gone off and it’s on permanent snooze.  I don’t want to make babies anymore so I have no pressures or melt downs over not making things happen to some imaginary plan that girls are (I guess?) born with and I’m already over it.

Basically it boils down to this:

That isn’t to say we’re perfect.  Of course, if the dude wants to have a family, chances are he’ll go back to you chickies, but my guess is he’ll wait til you’re a little older and over your drama some more.  No guy likes drama as much as girls in the 20’s love drama.  We ALL say we don’t want it, don’t like it, hate it, etc. etc. but god knows at that age, we sure as heck know how to find it all the time!

And what about the older guys?  Why do we “lose”t hem?  Well… chances are they’re boring and into watching tv and couch surfing.  This is where the younger guys win over the older ones.   The thing is, chances are we know how to drive this relationship machine…so did we really “lose” the guy or did we just decide to make them the jerks who “leave us” so we look better?   Bet you didn’t know that one, did you?

Don’t worry girls…  by the time you’re in your mid 30’s all of this will make sense.  And you wish you had the wisdom back in your 20’s so you didn’t drive guys crazy and get friend zoned or dumped.  There is, however, a ray of hope.  If you pay attention to your guy, he won’t be looking for someone else’s attention.

And this is true for every age group.  When that guy no longer feels appreciated and no longer heard, he’ll be looking for someone else to fill that “void” and make him feel special again.  Because, as much as we love being special and feeling special, we often forget that guys need that too.  In all my observations of male and female interaction it always boils down to this one thing:  Guys just want to be heard.   In case you haven’t noticed, he doesn’t say too much but when he does, it’s because whatever it is, is important to him.  In guy speak, if he’s saying something, it’s because it needs to be said.

Now here’s my confession.  I don’t actually go out and steal guys.  I am not a home wrecker.  If he’s your boyfriend and I know it, I’ll leave him alone.  I don’t need someone else’s man when I can get my own.  But there are a lot of girls/women who aren’t as respectful.  And maybe you’re one of those girls who think a guy can’t be stolen because if he was a “real” man, he wouldn’t be stolen.   And some guys are loyal and faithful to their core.  They won’t cheat on you, but he just might be miserable… and who wants to do that to someone else?  Everyone deserves happiness, don’t they?

So if you learn anything from this, learn to pay attention to your guy.  If he knows he’s your world, he won’t need to find someone else to make him feel like a super hero.  He’ll be happy to be with you.  And you know what else?  The happier you make him, the happier you’ll be.  Why?  Because that dude will turn over graves for you.   So what if he leaves the socks all over the floor.  Start being super nice to him and I am sure those socks won’t be there for long.

And for goodness sake.. if the man brings you flowers (or a gift) for no reason, don’t suddenly start expecting them.  Instead, be super grateful and happy.   Guys don’t tend to say things with words.  They say it with actions.   That’s where you need to focus your attention on.  If he starts off giving yout he moon and stars and then “suddenly” stops, chances are it’s because someone or something else is giving him the attention you aren’t.   Maybe you’re lucky and he’s just looking at online movies and pictures… you know what I mean…  but maybe he’s going online for other things or he’s meeting someone else…  The point is, his focus is no longer on you the way it used to be when you used to pay attention to him.

Yeah OK, there are dogs out there, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not talking about THOSE guys.  Those can stay in the gutter where they belong.  I’m talking about that super nice guy you fell in love with and who would swim through pirahnas to get you a glass of water before and now he’s saying get your own water.

You see girls, we’re the ones with the power.  We can make or break guys.  How we treat them affects us.  We start treating them like jerks, they’ll treat us like we’re nobody.  I don’t know if that’s conscious or not, but I do know the more upset the guy is, the less likely he is to do stuff for you.  THe thing is, they won’t tell you.  Sometimes, they don’t know how.  They still, after you drag them through a dog pile, want to be nice to you.  And a lot of them go passive aggressive because they can’t verbalise what’s going on.  Again, they speak with actions.

My advice is to start paying attention from the start.  Learn what his “normal” is so when it goes to something else, you’ll notice.  And when you notice, start asking yourself, have I changed?  Would I want to come home to myself if I treated myself the way I’ve been treating him?  Did I stop being the fun girlfriend and turn into his mother, his nagging wife, his unpleasant partner?  If the answer is yes, refocus and repair.  If the answer is no, then find out what’s going on with him.  Maybe it has nothing to do with you.  Maybe he needs a little TLC.

Again, this isn’t advice on how to keep dogs.  Those guys will run around anyway, don’t waste your efforts unless all you want to do is have fun.  Believe me, us cougars love players.  We use them as they use us and we leave them.  Who cares.  We know better than to get attached to those things.  As far as I know, a player will always be a player.  Sure, some can be tamed down, but only when HE wants to be tamed.  Until then, he’ll just enjoy you and then spit you out.  Forget about it… those aren’t the boys you want to take home permanently.   You’ll only get a heartache and yes I know he’s a hot guy and probably has money or the appearance of having money, but trust me, save yourself the trouble.


2 thoughts on “How I could steal your guy and not just because I’m a cougar now.

  1. At 31 I am focused on finding a wife and raising a family. This means a woman in her 20s.

    However, in addition to dating these younger women I also date women in their 40s and 50s. (I also spend time with a lady in her 60s, but this is just for sailing on her sailboat; I go to baseball games with a lady in her 70s – but like the other, it just a friendship.)

    Your post is right on the money. It is night and day how younger women and older women treat younger men. Older women are kind and thoughtful. They are appreciative.

    If I could condense it down to three things that older women want from a (younger) man, it might be: 1) to have him listen INTENTLY, 2) that they would feel validated, and 3) to let him be a man – with all of the exuberance, independence and energy that this entails.

    I am still holding out for my young wife – where ever she might be. Until then I have learned to appreciate the friendship of older ladies, with all of the class and charm and sophistication they bring.


    • The only thing I’ll say to this is a younger woman in her 20s will be high drama for you. Why not find one your age? A woman these days can bear children up in her 40s so it’s not essential to find a young girl anymore. However, I understand that some men seem to prefer the drama. Maybe that’s why we’re here just for “fun” because we must get pretty dang boring without all the drama to keep you on your toes, haha. 😀

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