I was talking to a friend about NPD and I said it was a choice, whether conscious or unconscious, it’s still a choice like depression. But who would choose to be depressed or to be NPD? Well… if the world is your oyster and you can get whatever you want… wouldn’t you be tempted too? I’ll illustrate similarities in a minute. The NPD info comes from Wikipedia which isn’t always the best source but it helps. The Depression part comes from observation and studies in psychology because doctors kept trying to say I was depressed and wanted to keep drugging me. I said I was tired, not depressed, so I studied the thing. And you know what? I was depressed. But I didn’t take any drugs. I instead, made a different choice. And yes, life is harder when you’re “not depressed” but I think it’s better this way. At least I’m no longer taking advantage of people. Btw, I’m still tired but that happens when you stay up too late and work…
NPD is a personality disorder in which a person is excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity, mentally unable to see the destructive damage they are causing to themselves and to others in the process.
Depression: The world is about YOU and what is wrong with YOU and how the rest of the world seems to be against YOU. That person is unable to see that their selfishness affects others. “I don’t feel like it, so I’m not going to” is a common theme among the depressed. Relationships and bonds are destroyed because that person “doesn’t feel like it” and thus entitled to everything else. People should cater to THEM.
Depression doesn’t LOOK like people worry about power, prestige, vanity, or personal adequacy but they do. Why else would they worry about what they “do not have” if it didn’t bother them?
Back to NPD: Some people diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder are characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They have a sense of entitlement and demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behavior. They have a strong need for admiration, but lack feelings of empathy.
Ask a depressed person if they care about others or others’ feelings. They don’t. They only care that they’re the ones depressed and that others should help THEM. Like I said, they feel entitled to being the victim and to be helped. Perhaps it’s not an obvious grandiosity as in NPD but if the world is all about them, well, they must feel like gods then? The thing is, the depressed person isn’t as obvious as the NPD. They have a strong need for admiration too, why else would they be constantly saying woe is me, please help me, I need attention/love/etc. etc.
I am depressed virtually means “don’t ask anything of me. I won’t give anything back. Just cater to me.” Basically it’s a carte blanche to do NOTHING. Ever. As long as they’re “depressed.”
NPD: Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments, expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others, envies others and believes others envy him/her, is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence, lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others, is arrogant in attitudes and behavior, has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic
Did I not just pretty much say this is typical of the depressed mind? With the exception of envy. I don’t think an depressed person thinks others are envious of them. However, if people saw just how much the depressed person got catered to objectively, they probably would be envious. The depressed person thinks “Once I get out of depression I’m going to be awesome!” But of course, they sabotage themselves so this never happens and therefore always stay “depressed.” They think the world should just open up their arms because they’re depressed. Much like the last line in the NPD paragraph.
Are depressed people arrogant? Sure they are. Because if you don’t cater to them you’re an evil person. After all, how can you look at this pathetic person and turn your back on them? How can you be so cruel?
NPD: Other symptoms in addition to the ones defined by DSM-IV-TR include: Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends, has trouble keeping healthy relationships with others, easily hurt or rejected, appears unemotional, and exaggerating special achievements and talents, setting unrealistic goals for himself/herself. NPD is characterized by dramatic, emotional behavior, and an over-inflated sense of self-importance that is in the same category as antisocial and borderline personality disorders.
Which as I illustrated, is the same with depression. NPD however, probably doesn’t cry in public and probably doesn’t sit at home alone thinking what else can I do? Then again, maybe they do… but I think NPD’s tend to be more “outwardly.” Kind of like the extroverts of the DSM book.
NPD: Narcissists have such an elevated sense of self-worth that they value themselves as inherently better than others, when in reality they have a fragile self-esteem, cannot handle criticism, and often try to compensate for this inner fragility by belittling or disparaging others in an attempt to validate their own self-worth. Comments and criticisms about others are vicious from sufferers of NPD, in an attempt to boost their own poor self-esteem.
Depression: if you critisise them, they will buckle and cry. How can you be so cruel? So you have to be on pins and needles so you don’t “hurt” them more. What this means is, you can’t ever say anything to them. You can’t even opinionate because they see that as an attack. Their battle words is how can you hurt me so badly when I’m already depressed? You want to make me suicidal? So they don’t use belittling to “disarm” their opponent. They use guilt.
NPD: Instead of behaving in a way that shows how they are feeling in the moment, they behave in the way that they feel they are expected to behave or what gives them the most attention.
The depressed person does whatever they need to do to get the most attention and take advantage of everything given and always wants to take and get more. They are never satisfied. However, compared to NPD, depression is more vocal about how shitty people feel about themselves. NPD’s won’t ever say omg I suck monkey balls and that’s why I need to deflect your words so you won’t see it. Depression says I suck monkey balls so badly I think I ate maggots from last week’s kill! You have no idea how horrible that is!! It’s never mole hills, only mountains.
The interesting thing is for depression there are a million drugs, for NPD? Not so much. Why? A chemical reaction/disorder, what have you? Sure, sometimes chemicals get out of whack and it may cause for some mood swings and what have you… but if the doctors and pharmaceutical companies can make a million dollars off drugs as “placebos” wouldn’t you jump on that wagon too? And what if it was like the mechanics at a bad auto shop? They break something else so you need more “maintenance” or another “part” for your “broken” car? Think about it. Depression never comes with just ONE pill. Often it starts out that way and then another and another and another… it’s like everything else. You take one pill, makes you better, next thing you know you’re taking 20… The solution isn’t to take more pills. The solution is to look around and within you to find out WHAT the heck is going on with you!
Now I’m sure I’ll get flack for this. People will say how mean or cruel I am for saying that depression is a choice. I can assure you that if NPD’s and Depressed people took a damn good LOOK at themselves, from the inside out, the depression and NPD would be gone. The thing is, instrospection is HARD…it’s messy… it’s UGLY as hell… it’s the worst thing in the world, I think. But once you do it, you can learn SO MUCH about yourself and the things you can achieve and my god, the things you’ve overcome!! You will look at yourself as some kind of hero for yourself. The real question however, isn’t can you do it? The real question is “Can I give it up?”
Depression, and I presume NPD, is like a drug addiction. When people cater to you, when you get people to do your bidding, when they never ask anything of you in return… well… can you really give that up and actually start doing work for yourself? If you have person slaves… why would you “return to sender” on them? It’s very lucrative… it’s enticing… it’s magnificent… wrong… but damn awesome! I STILL have my moments of wow… I used to get so much more…all I had to do was cry or bitch… now I have to do everything on my own… this sucks! The world no longer sees me with the “you’re broken” eyes and I sometimes miss the depression. I miss the attention and the lack of work. I mean seriously, who likes working? OK, maybe I’m still depressed…. or maybe now I’m insane… but would I give up all this work and go back to depressed? I don’t think so… you know why? Because now I know better.
I am not completely fixed… I have other issues to work on… depression still comes and says “hi” once in a while but I say hello, I wallow, and then send it away again. Depression, much like I hear drugs and alcohol and other bad habits, never helped me get better. It let me stay in one place and also made things worse. So no, I’m not going back to that.
And maybe someone out there needs my help. Maybe someone out there needs me to show them how to “get out” of depression. And many will balk and call me insensitive. That’s OK. I’m honest and I’m blunt. I also have thick skin. I can take the comments. At least depression left me with that gift and I’m OK with that. Thick skin is better than thin skin when it comes to comments.