Just a poem

Sadness isn’t the word…

By Catra Lynxey Tigress

011116-094302


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Today you left me all alone

Today I walked by myself

They say someone out there

carries you when you’re alone

but I don’t believe the fairy tale

I’m too old for that

 

Today you left me all alone

I know I’ll be OK

Eventually

But not today

Today I walk alone

Just like that tired song

 

Today you left me all alone

I can’t always bear the pain

but I know I’m strong

I know it will be OK

It’s not easy to smile

No longer easy to pretend

 

Today you left me all alone

And I can’t mourn anymore

I forgot how to be numb

I forgot how to stop

I need a hug

But I can’t hug myself the same

 

Today you left me all alone

And now

I have to walk away too

Will I see you again?

Rainbow bridges or a fake heaven?

Maybe one day it’ll be OK…

 

Just not

Today

This path is broken

My heart doesn’t know

happiness

Anymore

 

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Bruno Mars’ song “Grenade” isn’t a love song!

That dang song “Grenade” just came on in Pandora and I actually paid attention this time.   It’s very manipulative, you know?  It’s not about love at all.  Sure, he’s whining and bitching about some girl who supposedly trashed his love.  So he comes off like this poor defeated guy, the martyr, the shit upon, the mistreated, helpless and hopeless romantic.   And she comes off like a bitch.

But wait, take another listen.  He’s basically bitching because she won’t “love him the same way” as he does.   But what does that mean?  She has to die for him too?  He says “To give me all your love is all I ever asked” and the goes on to say she doesn’t understand that he’d do all these ridiculous things for her.  Catch a grenade, have his hand (head?) cut off, get shot, get beat up, etc. etc. and she wouldn’t do the same for him.  But somehow that makes her the bitch.  Because well, she just didn’t love him enough.

Well Bruno, suck it up… she can’t be your EVERYTHING.  There is no such thing as being someone’s everything.  IF that were to happen, then that person would basically have to LOSE themselves to be your slave and love is great (maybe) but fuck that noise.    I’m not about to lose myself for some guy.  I like myself.  I worked HARD to get to where I am.  So no, not losing myself for some guy.

But while we’re at it, did he become her bitch?  Did HE lose himself and become her slave?  I mean, did HE lose himself to be her slave?  Maybe he did, but that was HIS choice and I think it was a wuss thing to do, so yeah, maybe he’s mad, but he shouldn’t be mad at HER.  He should be mad at himself for not having a spine!

And yeah OK, so maybe the woman was a user.  I mean, she smiles in his face then rips the breaks out of his car?  Or she kisses him with her eyes open.   But honey, maybe that was the TIP OFF that she wasn’t a good woman.  So whyyyyyyyy would you still keep dating her?!  And why are you such a wuss that you would STILL die for her?  I mean seriously, you got issues.  As in low self worth issues.  But maybe that’s the game you’re playing… you play the victim so people feel sorry for you.  Maybe that’s why no one questions where your spine went…?  I have no idea… but I’m sure questioning!

And if I ever dated a man like that I’d be turning around so fast all he’d see is the dust cloud I left!  Although OK, maybe I’d be nice and explain I just don’t date men without spines.  Maybe I’m too much of a woman for a guy like that… maybe I’m just picky… but honestly, does ANYONE (male or female) love to date doormats?  Unless you’re a predator and get off by abusing these types (which then makes you one sick ass, imo!) I don’t think people like to be around people who can’t stand up for themselves.

They might feel sorry for you at first, maybe even try to help, but eventually they just leave your butt if you’re that much of a lost cause.  I like people who can make decisions.  People who can say I like this, I don’t like that, etc. etc.   I dated a dude who couldn’t make up his mind about much.   He was the type of guy who always asked what the other person wanted to do.  Never really came up with his own stuff and even though I was young at the time, it was very draining!  And I didn’t know it back then but it was annoying as hell!  However, being miss insecurity back then, I thought having a sucky boyfriend was better than NO boyfriend.   I was dead wrong!

I broke that nasty habit and stayed alone for many years until I figured out WHAT the hell I was doing wrong and I focused.  No I didn’t get it perfect but I stopped being needy, I stopped thinking I needed a guy in my life to be complete.  I completed myself first.  And it was in that time that I figured out what I wanted and what I didn’t.  The man I have now isn’t perfect but he’s a huge improvement from that first guy or from the last guy before him.  He didn’t ask me to be his everything and I don’t expect him to be MY everything.  We respect each others’ differences in life.  And most importantly, we’re compliments to each other, not halves and not wholes.  Just together, like complementary colours.  We look good together and we blend well, but we’re still two different colours.  I think that’s the way it should be.  Harmony and peace are always a good thing!