A word challenge from my writer’s group!

New CHALLENGE. Write a love poem or letter, by someone who is not human, to someone else (any species). Some things to consider might be how this species woos possible mates (any differently than humans?), a method of delivery, and how well the recipient likes it.

Anything from a dirty little note to a sweet melodic piece. Go ahead.

So here’s what I wrote:

Dear Gabe,

I saw you staring several times now and rumours have been flying for months now.  I know you find me completely fabulous and you certainly wouldn’t be wrong, but darling, I have many things to consider.  If you’re to be my trophy buddy, I can’t have you looking anything less than debonair!

You have great bone structure, not as awesome as mine, mind you, but definitely something to work with and I could enhance your appeal.  Of course, having me by your side will boost your appearance, but I can’t do everything, honey.  Regardless, I know what you’re looking for and I graciously accept your invitation.  However do keep in mind, my attention will wane as you know I’m not a one-man attraction.  I can’t very well deprive everyone from me now could I?  That wouldn’t be fair but I hope you realise your importance when I say you’ll definitely be in my top 5.  That isn’t a very easy spot to be in, you know?  Lots of people vie for that spot!

So what do you say?  Do you want to rise up in the dating pool or would you rather keep dating the frogs you call exes after a few rounds?


Alistair Silverleaf

And the Gabe character would be saying this:

Alistair, you arrogant but gorgeous fool!  What makes you think I’d want to be in your top five?!  Darling, I belong in the top 2!  Yes the rumours are true, I have been pining for you but don’t think for a moment that your beautiful face and dazzling smile will get you anywhere other than my bedroom.  I say we go a few rounds first and then decide what to do with the rest.  Even if you end up a frog, we could have so much fun together!  I don’t care if you decide to bed the whole kingdom, as you call it, as long as you end up in my bed tonight.  I have already thought of a few ideas which I think you would like.  It involves mirrors, I’m sure you love watching yourself in action as much as I like watching you out of it.  Now how about you take that pretty little butt of yours and bring it on over!


Gabe Entleman

Of course, Alistair would be super offended at being called a frog or told what to do, and he surely will make Gabe pay for his mistake but in a fun way.  They do, as Gabe suggested, go a few rounds.  Don’t worry, I won’t spoil those surprises here.  You have to read the story to find out how it all plays out and if Alistair ends up being a frog or if Gabe finally catches the ever bachelor Alistair.  You never know, stranger things have happened…  I’ve heard Half Elves go human even.  But not in this case, Alistair thinks too much of himself to ever go human.  If anything it’d be Gabe who’d have to change… After all, no mere human has ever been able to remotely even think they could possibly deny the request of the ever so alluring High Elf named Alistair.  Do you think a High Elf and a human mix well or would it be a  huge disaster after a while?


Bruno Mars’ song “Grenade” isn’t a love song!

That dang song “Grenade” just came on in Pandora and I actually paid attention this time.   It’s very manipulative, you know?  It’s not about love at all.  Sure, he’s whining and bitching about some girl who supposedly trashed his love.  So he comes off like this poor defeated guy, the martyr, the shit upon, the mistreated, helpless and hopeless romantic.   And she comes off like a bitch.

But wait, take another listen.  He’s basically bitching because she won’t “love him the same way” as he does.   But what does that mean?  She has to die for him too?  He says “To give me all your love is all I ever asked” and the goes on to say she doesn’t understand that he’d do all these ridiculous things for her.  Catch a grenade, have his hand (head?) cut off, get shot, get beat up, etc. etc. and she wouldn’t do the same for him.  But somehow that makes her the bitch.  Because well, she just didn’t love him enough.

Well Bruno, suck it up… she can’t be your EVERYTHING.  There is no such thing as being someone’s everything.  IF that were to happen, then that person would basically have to LOSE themselves to be your slave and love is great (maybe) but fuck that noise.    I’m not about to lose myself for some guy.  I like myself.  I worked HARD to get to where I am.  So no, not losing myself for some guy.

But while we’re at it, did he become her bitch?  Did HE lose himself and become her slave?  I mean, did HE lose himself to be her slave?  Maybe he did, but that was HIS choice and I think it was a wuss thing to do, so yeah, maybe he’s mad, but he shouldn’t be mad at HER.  He should be mad at himself for not having a spine!

And yeah OK, so maybe the woman was a user.  I mean, she smiles in his face then rips the breaks out of his car?  Or she kisses him with her eyes open.   But honey, maybe that was the TIP OFF that she wasn’t a good woman.  So whyyyyyyyy would you still keep dating her?!  And why are you such a wuss that you would STILL die for her?  I mean seriously, you got issues.  As in low self worth issues.  But maybe that’s the game you’re playing… you play the victim so people feel sorry for you.  Maybe that’s why no one questions where your spine went…?  I have no idea… but I’m sure questioning!

And if I ever dated a man like that I’d be turning around so fast all he’d see is the dust cloud I left!  Although OK, maybe I’d be nice and explain I just don’t date men without spines.  Maybe I’m too much of a woman for a guy like that… maybe I’m just picky… but honestly, does ANYONE (male or female) love to date doormats?  Unless you’re a predator and get off by abusing these types (which then makes you one sick ass, imo!) I don’t think people like to be around people who can’t stand up for themselves.

They might feel sorry for you at first, maybe even try to help, but eventually they just leave your butt if you’re that much of a lost cause.  I like people who can make decisions.  People who can say I like this, I don’t like that, etc. etc.   I dated a dude who couldn’t make up his mind about much.   He was the type of guy who always asked what the other person wanted to do.  Never really came up with his own stuff and even though I was young at the time, it was very draining!  And I didn’t know it back then but it was annoying as hell!  However, being miss insecurity back then, I thought having a sucky boyfriend was better than NO boyfriend.   I was dead wrong!

I broke that nasty habit and stayed alone for many years until I figured out WHAT the hell I was doing wrong and I focused.  No I didn’t get it perfect but I stopped being needy, I stopped thinking I needed a guy in my life to be complete.  I completed myself first.  And it was in that time that I figured out what I wanted and what I didn’t.  The man I have now isn’t perfect but he’s a huge improvement from that first guy or from the last guy before him.  He didn’t ask me to be his everything and I don’t expect him to be MY everything.  We respect each others’ differences in life.  And most importantly, we’re compliments to each other, not halves and not wholes.  Just together, like complementary colours.  We look good together and we blend well, but we’re still two different colours.  I think that’s the way it should be.  Harmony and peace are always a good thing!