See, some of us girls are a bit shy and some of us are self confidence sabotagers. By that, I mean, we don’t think of ourselves as having confidence. We like a guy and he likes us back, but then he goes quiet or he doesn’t have “time” for us or he’s busy, or whatever… I can’t pretend to know what the heck goes on in a guy’s brain but I know it’s much simpler than ours. For all we know, he’s just busy with his own thoughts. Maybe he has to think about a project or work and it’s nto that he doesn’t “like” us anymore, it’s that his mind is occupied. We really shouldn’t go to “well, I guess I was wrong. He DOESN’T like us!” or “damn, I messed that up! I don’t know how, but dammit, I made him go away!” (or worse, we come up with the stuff we did to muck it up before it even started) but we do… Ladies, you know we do!
They have little cartoons for this sort of thing and while funny, some of them are actually true. I don’t know any girl who doesn’t think ten million things at the same time and vice versa, I know of NO GUY who thinks that way. They tend to be less complicated and more linear minded, which makes me jealous because sometimes, those ten million things turn into awful messes before anything happens. The dude may be saying OK I have x time before she comes home, I can do x thing… jacking off can mean do stuff she normally doesn’t like me to do. Ie. The cat is away, I can play now! The girl, meanwhile, thinks he’s going to get kidnapped in that time frame and god forbid he doesn’t answer the text/phone. Then she has him dead on the tracks after being beaten to a pulp or he’s hooking up with some hottie he just met at the market. The last thing WE have on our mind is, oh hey, I got time to do stuff that I can’t do when he’s around. Why? Because most of the time we do that stuff whether you’re there or not.
So when your dude says “what’s wrong?” what he wants to know is, what’s troubling you. What we hear is, “Please, tell me what’s going on in your head.” And we rattle off crap that may or may not have happened and stuff that’s going to happen, and stuff that happened when we weren’t thinking was going to happen but happened anyway… in other words, we tell guys way more than they wanted to know. To another girl, that’s OK. We don’t mind and we understand. To a guy, its probably overwhelming. Yes it’s true…we talk too much. And then you wonder why the dude never asks us THAT question, again. It’s not that he doesn’t care… it’s that you overwhelmed him so much the first time, he may not want to jump into that rat’s nest any time soon. Basically, you just gave him “this” for information and now he has to figure out where the start, the end, or the middle or what the hell he got a maze for!
That’s not to say guys shouldn’t ask the question. It just means, try to figure out what the heck we’re actually saying. Maybe all we need is for you to listen. Which, incidentally, is what ANY one wants. Male or female, we all want to be heard.
The problem is, guys want to fix stuff or they only say stuff that needs an actual answer. Ie. Do you want to go to the store? means, do you want to go to the store. For a girl, we often hear, “do you want to go out in general?” Ie. to the store, to the park, to the movies, to the etc etc. and most of the time we’re more than happy to go! All he wanted to konw is if we needed to go to the store for groceries (or whatever the store is, for that one item it carries.) He did NOT mean to say, did you want to go spend all afternoon looking at stuff. This is where I get in trouble. Once I’m out of the house, I want to go EVERYWHERE! But my dude’s like no, I just want to go to the store. So guess what…? He doesn’t ask me to go to the store anymore. Not unless he specifies we’re ONLY going to the store for blah item. He adds that no, we’re not going anywhere else. Booooooring!!! But well, that’s how it goes…
So what are we to do? Well… I guess we just ride the coaster until we figure things out. And by that, I guess I mean that guys have to figure out what the heck we’re actually saying. And they need to learn how to ask a question. And we, ladies, need to learn how to answer said question and not get overwhelming. Let’s start handing out simpler mazes or better yet, maps, so they know what the heck is going on.
So back to our original idea: If a guy likes a girl, he should say so. He shouldn’t wait around too long because chances are we will think we’ve screwed it up and we should lick our wounds and move on. So guys… if you like that girl, either make a move or say something because if you really like that girl, she needs to know it. Maybe you could just say hey, I like you. But don’t make it sound like oh I like you but I just want to friend zone you. So make it special. By that I mean, say I like you and I want to see you again or something like that… it depends on the girl. Some of us need sledgehammers and some of us don’t. But ALL of us need to know you like us or we’re going to come up with craziness in our head. Guaranteed.
And for girls, maybe we should give ourselves a break. If a guy can’t see how good we are, we shouldn’t chase after him, we should let him go on to other pastures. Of course… it DOES help if we speak up. Tell that dude, hey, I like you! and leave it alone. If he’s that ditzy, maybe you don’t want him… or maybe you do… ditzy guys are sometimes fun… once they get over the yeah right, she’s just being nice, thing. I know a few guys who are cute but ditzes in the sense that a girl is THROWING herself at him and he’s like oh yeah, she’s being friendly. Talk about face palm! If you have that guy, then have patience. Eventually it’ll work… But you DO have to get some clues before you spend (waste?) your time on that guy. If he’s clearly blowing you off, move on to another pasture. If he’s just unsure, keep talking and being friendly. But for goodness sake, don’t become that “desperate” girl! That will get you friend zoned or in trouble. Ie. he’s gonna take you to bed and then leave you alone. No bueno…
Alright, I’ll get off my soap box now. Let me know what you think. Do I just know too many girls with too many thigns in their brain or am I wrong and guys are this way too, they just don’t tell us?