What Ritalin did to me…

I don’t know why more people don’t talk about this or maybe I’m in the wrong forums/places.   In any case, I hear about college students and “normal” people taking this and getting through exams and life and bouncing off walls like it’s some kind of amazing high!!  But this is an ADHD medication…   It’s a stimulant but it doesn’t work that way on us…or at least, on me.   When I heard about it, I expected magic in a bottle!

Wallpaper-amazing

What do you mean I’m going to be able to focus and not have ten million things running around in my head at any given second?!  Are you kidding me?! That’s fantastic!!  And I don’t have to get up every ten minutes or change what I’m doing because fidget…?!  Really!?  Oh my god, give me a gallon’s worth!!

I should have known better… they do always say “if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is…” and they, whoever they are, are right. It was way too good to be true.  My first day taking it, I was giddy with excitement…more than my usual bounce off the walls excitement… I was like wow, I’ll be able to get work done! Let’s down this sucker!

Almost instantly, I felt this…

Only… I wasn’t looking through the wave… I was IN it… tumbling around like some kind of Alice in Wonderland experience when she inhaled too much of whatever that caterpillar was smoking.   I was under water…in some kind of fog…I went to my chair and sat down…I was dizzy…I melted into the chair and sat staring at my computer.  After 30 mins I went to eat something…couldn’t tell you what that was…  I was walking through molasses.  It took a lot of effort to put things together.  I went back to my computer and sat, again…watched something…couldn’t tell you what that was either.

But I was still… I sat there for the next couple of hours…I opened up maybe 10 tabs in my browser as opposed to my usual 30-50 or whatever…  As time passed the fog got thicker and thicker…my hands were heavy…my body was heaving…as if I was in some kind of haze from staying up way too late and was incredibly groggy!  But I was sitting still…  I then got up to throw up…but I had no food in my stomach so I dry heaved…nasty bitterness… I ate something and it calmed down the heaves…  I learned that from pregnancy.  It must be a fluke… I went to bed…

I tried it again the next day…same thing but the fog was even thicker…and it wasn’t until today that I realised I was depressed…not like the mental illness exactly…but like being held down by something.  My usual Tiggerness had turned into Eeyore… or for those who are fans of MLP, I had gone from Pinkie Pie to a seriously depressed Pinkamena.  I see why they give this to kids…keeps them at their seat and they have to struggle just to SEE anything that it keeps them nice and quiet.

Oh yeah, I had that wonderful effect too…all my senses were dulled.  I saw something but it took a moment to process it…I touched something but it took a moment to figure out what it was… I can see why they say don’t drive while under this…I had to struggle just to SIT at my desk, it wasn’t fun.  I called the doctor and left a message.  Is this normal?!   After some time she called back and left me a message as I was passed out…my body’s defense mechanism is to fall asleep…and since I couldn’t really function anyway, I obliged.  The message said to cut down the dose…mind you, I was already on the lowest dose… 10 mg.  But I did as told and half-ed it.   Didn’t make a difference….

The same fog, heavier and heavier, the more I take… And mind you, I took a couple of days off just to wear off the bad effects… Especially the, if I don’t eat every couple of hours I dry heave. This is NOT fun.  I asked someone else taking a different med but has ADHD too what I’m supposed to feel and they told me that it does slow things down so you can focus.  They suggested I take less….hmmm… I don’t think that taking 2.5 mg is going to help…I’ll probably still get fogged…and I still have the side effects.

Another person who took this back in High School told me that they had the same thing happen to them but that their parental unit insisted they take the med to keep them quiet and compliant.  I don’t think that’s a good thing…  Anyway, they took the normal dose of 30 mg and they got the same thing as me…so it’s the med, not the person.   I looked online and couldn’t really find anyone talking about this.  Why?  Am I the one in a million?

Do people rather have the glorification of making themselves dulled and depressed?  Is that the preference?  I sure as heck don’t like it!  I don’t know why anyone would like this tumbled upside down, foggy, sleepy, and dull lifestyle.  Yes, my thoughts didn’t go at ten million miles an hour and yes they didn’t bounce off the walls but I felt like somebody else…and to me, that’s not worth it.  I wanted to have a a toned down version of myself, meaning, still me but maybe more focused…  Is there such a thing as a focused without all those other side effects?   Or is this what focus is…  Is this how others live their lives?
Image result for dull
A few thoughts here and there…life in the slow lane…  Are you able to sit still because you have nothing better to do?  Is THIS why people get bored?!   Maybe I should be glad to have ADHD.   Maybe my million miles an hour thoughts and bouncing off the walls is a GOOD thing…I’m creative and constantly thinking of the next new thing…yes I get “bored” easy with the same activity over and over again but that’s where the million thoughts come into play.  Who has time to get bored when within five seconds you’re on to 30 other scenarios?!  When you can feel like a child and be amused by EVERYthing?!
Why would we want to stop this?   Why did I believe I had to be “normal” to be OK?

So I’m writing this to tell other people that hey, you’re not alone.  If you decide that you rather have ADHD than the dull existence some pill gives you, it’s OK.  I’m right here next to you and we can have our own little crazy boat.  Let’s embrace that kind of crazy!  At least we’ll never be bored and to me, that’s worth everything!  Yes, even the annoyance of having others tell you that you’re a spaz constantly.  You know what?  I think they’re jealous.  We’re the awesome creative ones.  We come up with stuff they haven’t even thought of…and yeah OK, we might need a little help reigning in everything once in a while but that’s not a bad trade off.  We get them out of the box and they keep us in for a bit.  Sounds like a win win to me!

Until next time, thanks for reading!  If you are so inclined to donate to my getting a laptop, here’s my kofi link: http://ko-fi.com/A1055U8 Thank you! 😀

 

McDonald’s has new Big Macs?!

It’s been a couple of weeks now but we went to McDonalds for a Caramel Frappe, which if you read my previous blog article is my new favourite starbucks.  They asked if we were interested in a Mac Jr or Grand Mac.. we’re like huh, what?  No… just the drinks.

Well today I decided to try the Jr because I’m not sure I can eat the Grand Mac when the Big Mac leaves me pretty dang full!  And you know what?  The Jr is the perfect size!

Whenever I go to Burger King, unless I’m completely famished, I get the Jr there and I’m totally fine.  But at McD’s I’d get their cheeseburgers which are good but you need two to fill up.  I usually get the kids meal because of the fun toy and well, enough other stuff to fill me up.  But now with the Jr, I don’t need to do that anymore.

Now granted, they JUST came out with this so it could be really good now and go carppy later as with the fish bites and the Angus burgers.  They start out awesome and then, I guess McD’s is like Meh and they aren’t as good anymore.  But I digress…

So before I ordered I asked what the difference is with the Jr. and they said the meat is different, it’s a little smaller than the quarter pounder (they aren’t kidding) but the rest is the same, pickle, lettuce, and mac sauce.   I was like OK and said I’ll try it.  I’m expecting a glorified overpriced cheeseburger but I was wrong.

img_20170122_1733041
This thing is kinda big in my hands. (I’ll save you the joke… yes, that’s what she said!)I opened it and was surprised.  I think that pun wasn’t intended but you never know…

IMG_20170122_173323[1].jpg

I rotated it and the meat is as big as the bun!  When was the last time that happened at McD’s?!  Well OK, I don’t eat the quarter pounders so maybe they’re that big too, I don’t know but I can tell you that the normal Big Mac patties are NOT this size.  They’re skinnier and smaller.  So I’m thinking you get the same amount of meat and one less bun which is fine with me because saves calories and carbs!  I am pleasantly surprised with this Jr.

I’m thinking McD’s better start paying me for all this endorsement!  But this was a quinky dink.  They’re not Habit Burgers, which I still have to do that review but if you want fast food that fills you up and you have, I guess, a small stomach, this will do just nicely.

Til next time, thank you for reading and spring is almost here!  Does anyone really get that gardening joke? haha.  As usual, if you’d like to donate to my cause for a laptop click here.  If not, that’s cool too.  I love to write either way.

What’s going on Starbucks?!

I went and got a caramel frappucino the other day and I was disappointed.  Normally they kind of look like this.  And this one did, more or less.  Yes, I like extra caramel.

Image result for caramel frappuccino

But where did the coffee flavour go?!  All I got was a mouthful of a watery cream, possibly milk, somewhat sugary drink.   No coffee to be found!  I’m sorry… did I not offer a frappuccino?  Do they no longer have coffee in them?  Did I get a vanilla frap by accident?   Let me try that again… I said a caramel coffee frapuccino…Once again, I get the same drink!  What the heck is going on!?  Maybe it’s this branch…

3 different starbucks, 3 different cities, same damn drink!  OK what gives?  Was I too distracted to notice no one wants coffee in their fraps anymore?  Well, at least they still have macchiatos but it just isn’t the same… I like they coffee slushy…  Picture me with a total sad face.  Then, my husband goes to fast food and brings me a rescue drink!

Now see, we all know that McDonalds has cheaper coffee but is it better?  This was their caramel frappe, with an e to make it fancy!  OK McD’s what are you trying to pull?

Image result for mccafe caramel frappe

Goodness… what’s this…?  Coffee?!  There’s actual coffee flavour slushy…!?  Oh my wow!  This was sweet and coffee and slush… JUST like the fraps used to be!  But well, not as much caramel…  until of course, I said the magic words…”extra caramel please.” and voila!

Image result for mcdonalds caramel frappe extra caramel

Holy ginger snaps!  All the gooey caramel and the coffee slush?!  Hooo yeah, come to me baby!  Star who?!  I was back in my coffee caramel slush heaven.  But there’s a price to pay, of course.  For one, your version of extra caramel may not be that of the person making it.   Unlike Starbucks, the McD team takes caramel liberal.  Their drinks can vary depending on who makes it.  However, if you’re in it for the coffee more than the caramel, you’re golden!  Oh and you have to pay extra for the extra caramel whereas as Starbucks just does it… I think… I haven’t had one in a while but last I heard it was still free to ask for extra drizzle.  Oh and you can’t get extra shots with McDonald’s because theirs is a premix, which I guess so is Starbucks but they can still add an espresso shot or whatever where as McD’s can’t… at least I don’t think so…never asked but I don’t think they sell espresso.

So now that I’m getting fancy and branching out… why did I never go to Peet’s?!  I decided to try the burger king version of this drink.  And their premix is similar to McD’s but maybe more creamy, though not as bad as Starbucks, and sweeter.  It STILL has coffee flavour though so it’s not watered down.  The caramel is alright as well.

Image result for burger king caramel frappe extra caramel

Oh right… I remember why I didn’t try another coffee shop… both the McD’s and the Burger King option are cheaper!  Well…  Maybe one day I will try another coffee shop’s version but isn’t that like going to Teavana and expecting cheap Tea?  I think I’m better off with the fast foods for now… or if I can find a local coffee shop…maybe there.   I think the commercialization of Starbucks and their stretched thin because they’re on every corner made their fraps fall flat which is sad but ey, more money in my pocket!

Have you found a good frap somewhere else?  Let me know in the comments below!

And if you’re feeling generous, click on the link: https://ko-fi.com/A1055U8

I know it’s been forever since I’ve done this.  Something called a job has been keeping me distracted…one day I’ll have to get rid of that to focus just on this…but until then I’ll just have to keep trying harder.  I have so many reviews backed up!  And of course, kitten stories!   Until next time, folks.  Thank you for reading!

 

Life sure is funny… Child Support intricacies.

Yup, life is definitely funny… Today I had to work on a case about a man who ran off to El Salvador instead of paying child support. It’s a bit ironic since I was just talking to my brother about my donor who kinda did the same thing. Of course, he was told that no, the donor paid child support and never skipped out.  I’m sure my brother got the lines fed to him and as a child, how would he know any better?  Who wants to think of their dad as a deadbeat?  I get it because it’s not a good word but how else do you describe someone who ran off and never looked back?  As a grown up, how can you see facts and still deny them?

My brother said, of course dad (his dad, not mine) paid, otherwise he’d be in jail!  Clearly that never happened  so he must have paid, right?!  Well no.  The man ran off to another country.  We have no jurisdiction there for one and for two while some deadbeats DO go to jail, the majority get away with murder, in a sense.  Why?  Because we rather give them the chance than throw them in jail where they have no chance.  But don’t run our patience to the ground.  There ARE those that go to jail.  The donor was lucky he didn’t get arrested on the spot when he came back into the country.  He’s very lucky that a lot of things that should have happened, didn’t.  But if he were a man he’d step up and say yeah, I screwed up but I’m here to own up to my responsibilities.  Here’s copies of the payments I made.

I have deadbeats who turned human in my office.  People who stopped running and owned up to their mistakes.  Some just want to start over and I love helping those people.  See, to me, you’re not a deadbeat if you’re trying.  But if you don’t even try, what am I supposed to do with you?  If you’re constantly running, what am I supposed to do with that?

Now see, back to the money issue.  The donor claims he has paid child support for all those years.  I don’t know how many but it probably wasn’t for 10+ years.  I know of two month’s worth, nothing more.  The sad thing is, it was only $50 a month for TWO children.  See, he was hiding back then too.  He had income but he told the judge he had none so he got set at a very low amount.  That much is also on record, that he told the judge he had no income but considering he was the only one working and couldn’t get on social services, he HAD income because they weren’t homeless.  He had an Audi which isn’t a cheap car, gas for said car, an apartment and presumably food on the table for him, his wife, and my brother.  How can a man afford such things without an income?  I guess it’s magic.

 
Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money so I doubt that $50 ever came in but who knows, maybe it did but somehow it magically came from El Salvador too I guess because he ran off and remained for many years.  No contact, no hey are you OK? Nothing.   But of course, he says that was my other donor’s doing. She didn’t let him see us.  Right… except when we turned 18 what was your excuse then?  See, the man has a lot of excuses and very poor action so forgive me if I don’t give him the benefit of the doubt too often.  I tried.  For MANY years I tried and all I got were a bunch of excuses with nothing to back things up.
 
Now the donor’s back in the country and well, I’m sure his debt is quite high but of course he can’t “pay” now he’s old and decrepit and blah blah blah. I hear the stories every day. It’s fine. Karma or God or whoever will take care of that guy, same as the other guy who ran off to El Salvador.  I seriously doubt he will step up to the plate now.  I seriously doubt he even cares to make things right.  He’s too caught up in people feeling sorry for him that he can just skirt by and people forgive him because he’s sick or feeble or whatever.  My life was harsh, very harsh, growing up so I have no sympathy for him.  I don’t swallow his lies nor do I care that he’s supposedly sick.  He’s not sick enough to travel all over, is he?  He wasn’t sick enough to work in El Salvador was he?  But to pay child support?  No, no, much too sick for that.  Yeah OK, sure.
 
Super long story short? A man who skips out on responsibility is NOT a man and never a father. Doesn’t matter if he was a “good” father to the other children. When your first born children become third class citizens, you’re not a father. You’re a SAD excuse for a man.  I cannot and will not respect that. I have enough BS at work to even start with that.
But it’s ironic, like I said, that I work where I work and in the department that I work. I didn’t pick it. Life just sent me that way for a reason. Perhaps to dig up the truth or to find out that not all guys are bad. To see both sides of a very convoluted and often sad sides of the coin where children are the ones who suffer because people just can’t get along.  I can understand hating your ex or at least strongly disliking them but don’t let the children pay the price because you chose the wrong person!  And that’s often what happens.  Children are the ones who pay the price for the stupid decisions so called grown ups make.
But all isn’t lost.  I do see the good ones and the ones who are trying. They collect cans and do whatever jobs to pay their support, however little they can for THEIR children. They get up when they’re tired, keep going even though they can’t or shouldn’t, they do whatever they can. THOSE are the real men.  THOSE are the fathers. But the fools who can’t even pay a dollar a month for their kids?  Those are not even human.  How can  they eat something and not pay ONE DOLLAR to their kids?  Ridiculous!!  Oh yes, I have a bunch out there who’s support order is that little.  Some are low enough that you can’t even buy a fast food meal with what they’re supposed to pay a month.  But do they?  Nope.
There are some support orders which are crazy, in my opinion, but I don’t make the rules, judges and courts do.  I just have to follow what they say.  So if there’s a support order out there and it needs to change, I know it’s a hassle to do the court stuff, but help yourselves and get help if you need it.  If your job is taking half your check and you’re still not paying the full support order, something is not right, you need help.  If your employer is taking more than half, something’s really wrong!  Call your agency to get that sorted.
Now I know I’ve been talking about men but I want to note that it isn’t just men who are deadbeats.  I have women deadbeats too.  Women who dump their kids on aging grandmothers and grandfathers.  Women who get knocked up and add to the burden.  Women who went to get something from somewhere and never came back.  As a mother I can’t even comprehend the level of, whatever it is, that’s going on.  You had LIFE inside you.  You felt the kicks and wiggles. But you just walked away?  I know parenting is hard.  I was a single parent myself but to just walk away?  Makes no sense!
What makes even WORSE sense is the women who’s men are TRYING desperately to connect with their children and the women say no you can’t because you don’t pay (enough) support, because you didn’t buy the right shoes, because you didn’t let the child eat (insert item.)  So many children out there are struggling and these women have the golden tickets but they say no.  It’s crazy!  Again, I say, it’s the children who pay the price.

Now I’m sure my donor will say that my other donor did this to him.  But since the dude ran off to El Salvador and never looked back, well, that story just doesn’t fly, does it?  Plus he had time to call me when my child was born, why didn’t he connect then?  Instead he got himself back on the pity bus and ran off again.   I tried to give him sooo many opportunities and well, my patience ran thin and now it’s gone.   I don’t need anyone like that in my life.  You go be the happy sack of whatever it is you are and leave me alone.  I know enough now to kind of figure out who’s a deadbeat and who isn’t.
And that was a hard lesson to learn too.  You hear the word deadbeat and these poor guys, they get called that, even the ones that are trying and there’s such stigma!  My job is to help those that are trying to figure something out.  And I do help.  I help those that reach out to me and ask for it.  I sometimes call and they sound so ashamed but are hopeless.  Some are so high in arrears that it makes my head spin and some feel they can never get out. But there is always hope and there are ways to help.
Although some probably think they can’t because they keep making bad decisions with a lot of women.  Same with the women who keep getting pregnant then dumping their kids or keep struggling with their kids, keep getting pregnant, and have several different fathers, sometimes as much as one kid, one father, 6 kids, 6 fathers, well you get the idea.  I would think these people would learn and stop but well, that’s another blog post.  Who knows what’s going on there.  Men and women both make bad decisions in my world.
I think it’s always a good idea to ask and get the facts.  Don’t run away, that just make things worse.  Don’t throw out your court papers or summons, that usually ends in disaster.  And for goodness sakes, think of the children you helped come to this crazy world.  Don’t make it worse for them because you and/or your ex are being idiots.  If you messed up before that’s OK, it happens, but don’t keep running away from your responsibilities.   One day, one of your kids might write a blog piece like this.  What would like them to say about you?  Wouldn’t it be better if they wrote, hey, at least they tried vs. nope, they were deadbeats through and through.  My donor doesn’t seem to care.  Don’t be one of those people.  Be human and be a grown up.  The truth is, I rather have had the time with the donor than the money.  But I got a raw deal and so do other children out there.  We are the voices that no one’s heard before.  I hope I have given them a voice now.
I’ll leave you with one last piece, one last story, if you will.  I had a guy call me and saying he’s not a deadbeat but he thought our office thought of him that way because he couldn’t pay his full support.  He took his child half of the week, every week, sometimes all week.  I said to him, sir, you’re not a deadbeat.  The fact that you take your child and that on top of that you try what you can to pay the support means you’re not a deadbeat.  Let’s see what we can do to help with the support amount.  I sent his case to be reviewed.  His original court order said he did no visitation and clearly that wasn’t the case now.  So you see?  People do change.  A man can go from deadbeat to human.  It happens in our office and it happens everywhere.  Men and women stand up for their kids.  Be that guy or that girl.  Make this nation of ours great by contributing to the upbringing of your kids.  Those are the stories that keep me going.  Those are the stories that make me think that the deadbeats can go human.  Even my donor, if he tried.  I think that ship is sailed but well, a girl can always have hope, right?  One day after 40 years a deadbeat can go human.   Hey, stranger things have happened, right?  You just never know.  And maybe someone out there will read this and turn human too.  I can always hope, for the sake of the children, that it happens. I always keep that in mind.  It’s about the children.  Let me be their voice and help these grown ups come to an agreement so the children can be better off.  I can’t do custody fights, that’s for the free family law facilitators, which I can send/give you information for but I can help when someone’s trying and struggling.  Those are the ones that make my job easier and most prideful.  I give my hats and my cheers to those people.  They surely deserve it!