What Ritalin did to me…

I don’t know why more people don’t talk about this or maybe I’m in the wrong forums/places.   In any case, I hear about college students and “normal” people taking this and getting through exams and life and bouncing off walls like it’s some kind of amazing high!!  But this is an ADHD medication…   It’s a stimulant but it doesn’t work that way on us…or at least, on me.   When I heard about it, I expected magic in a bottle!

Wallpaper-amazing

What do you mean I’m going to be able to focus and not have ten million things running around in my head at any given second?!  Are you kidding me?! That’s fantastic!!  And I don’t have to get up every ten minutes or change what I’m doing because fidget…?!  Really!?  Oh my god, give me a gallon’s worth!!

I should have known better… they do always say “if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is…” and they, whoever they are, are right. It was way too good to be true.  My first day taking it, I was giddy with excitement…more than my usual bounce off the walls excitement… I was like wow, I’ll be able to get work done! Let’s down this sucker!

Almost instantly, I felt this…

Only… I wasn’t looking through the wave… I was IN it… tumbling around like some kind of Alice in Wonderland experience when she inhaled too much of whatever that caterpillar was smoking.   I was under water…in some kind of fog…I went to my chair and sat down…I was dizzy…I melted into the chair and sat staring at my computer.  After 30 mins I went to eat something…couldn’t tell you what that was…  I was walking through molasses.  It took a lot of effort to put things together.  I went back to my computer and sat, again…watched something…couldn’t tell you what that was either.

But I was still… I sat there for the next couple of hours…I opened up maybe 10 tabs in my browser as opposed to my usual 30-50 or whatever…  As time passed the fog got thicker and thicker…my hands were heavy…my body was heaving…as if I was in some kind of haze from staying up way too late and was incredibly groggy!  But I was sitting still…  I then got up to throw up…but I had no food in my stomach so I dry heaved…nasty bitterness… I ate something and it calmed down the heaves…  I learned that from pregnancy.  It must be a fluke… I went to bed…

I tried it again the next day…same thing but the fog was even thicker…and it wasn’t until today that I realised I was depressed…not like the mental illness exactly…but like being held down by something.  My usual Tiggerness had turned into Eeyore… or for those who are fans of MLP, I had gone from Pinkie Pie to a seriously depressed Pinkamena.  I see why they give this to kids…keeps them at their seat and they have to struggle just to SEE anything that it keeps them nice and quiet.

Oh yeah, I had that wonderful effect too…all my senses were dulled.  I saw something but it took a moment to process it…I touched something but it took a moment to figure out what it was… I can see why they say don’t drive while under this…I had to struggle just to SIT at my desk, it wasn’t fun.  I called the doctor and left a message.  Is this normal?!   After some time she called back and left me a message as I was passed out…my body’s defense mechanism is to fall asleep…and since I couldn’t really function anyway, I obliged.  The message said to cut down the dose…mind you, I was already on the lowest dose… 10 mg.  But I did as told and half-ed it.   Didn’t make a difference….

The same fog, heavier and heavier, the more I take… And mind you, I took a couple of days off just to wear off the bad effects… Especially the, if I don’t eat every couple of hours I dry heave. This is NOT fun.  I asked someone else taking a different med but has ADHD too what I’m supposed to feel and they told me that it does slow things down so you can focus.  They suggested I take less….hmmm… I don’t think that taking 2.5 mg is going to help…I’ll probably still get fogged…and I still have the side effects.

Another person who took this back in High School told me that they had the same thing happen to them but that their parental unit insisted they take the med to keep them quiet and compliant.  I don’t think that’s a good thing…  Anyway, they took the normal dose of 30 mg and they got the same thing as me…so it’s the med, not the person.   I looked online and couldn’t really find anyone talking about this.  Why?  Am I the one in a million?

Do people rather have the glorification of making themselves dulled and depressed?  Is that the preference?  I sure as heck don’t like it!  I don’t know why anyone would like this tumbled upside down, foggy, sleepy, and dull lifestyle.  Yes, my thoughts didn’t go at ten million miles an hour and yes they didn’t bounce off the walls but I felt like somebody else…and to me, that’s not worth it.  I wanted to have a a toned down version of myself, meaning, still me but maybe more focused…  Is there such a thing as a focused without all those other side effects?   Or is this what focus is…  Is this how others live their lives?
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A few thoughts here and there…life in the slow lane…  Are you able to sit still because you have nothing better to do?  Is THIS why people get bored?!   Maybe I should be glad to have ADHD.   Maybe my million miles an hour thoughts and bouncing off the walls is a GOOD thing…I’m creative and constantly thinking of the next new thing…yes I get “bored” easy with the same activity over and over again but that’s where the million thoughts come into play.  Who has time to get bored when within five seconds you’re on to 30 other scenarios?!  When you can feel like a child and be amused by EVERYthing?!
Why would we want to stop this?   Why did I believe I had to be “normal” to be OK?

So I’m writing this to tell other people that hey, you’re not alone.  If you decide that you rather have ADHD than the dull existence some pill gives you, it’s OK.  I’m right here next to you and we can have our own little crazy boat.  Let’s embrace that kind of crazy!  At least we’ll never be bored and to me, that’s worth everything!  Yes, even the annoyance of having others tell you that you’re a spaz constantly.  You know what?  I think they’re jealous.  We’re the awesome creative ones.  We come up with stuff they haven’t even thought of…and yeah OK, we might need a little help reigning in everything once in a while but that’s not a bad trade off.  We get them out of the box and they keep us in for a bit.  Sounds like a win win to me!

Until next time, thanks for reading!  If you are so inclined to donate to my getting a laptop, here’s my kofi link: http://ko-fi.com/A1055U8 Thank you! 😀

 

Cooked Babies… with a sour twist…

It all started with this video depicting a baby in a car and an idiot mom on the phone who goes shopping, gets caught up in idiocy, and the baby, from the looks of it, gets cooked in the car.

It got me upset for several reasons and it makes me shake my head that this happens every day for more times than I’d like.  WHO are these people?!  I heard myself scream in my head.  How can they just walk past a baby in the car and go on their merry way?!

And then I realise… those people are the same people you and I both know.  They’re everyday folks who think it’s “none of their business” or “I don’t want to get involved.”  or “I don’t want to get in trouble.”

So.  You rather have a life die than god forbid, DO something because you fear something?!?!

That’s just not right.  The video depicts a man crashing the window open to get the baby out and what does my friend say?  “OMG I wouldn’t do that!  That driver will sue me and I might go to jail.”

So there you go folks… people we know and some we even love…that was the primal fear.  The law.  Retaliation.  And as MUCH as I would love to have said no, they’d be grateful you saved their baby, the answer is a clear you’re probably right.  The question then becomes, would you risk it?!  And sadly, for many people, the answer is a hell no.

What kind of a society are we living in that people sue each other at a drop of a hat?  That we care more about PROPERTY than life?!  What kind of a life is this?  I don’t want to live in a place like this.  I don’t want to be one of those people.

Is it because I’m a mother or a woman?  Or is it because I am HUMAN?  I think it’s the latter.  I could not and have not passed by a baby in the car and kept going.  If the baby was crying, I would call the police at the very least!

Now here is where the world, in my eyes, gets fuzzy.  If it was a dog in the car?  I’ll crash the friggin window no questions asked!! And I would gladly go to jail for vandalism.   Yes, you heard me correctly.  If it was a baby, I’d call the cops.  If it was a dog, I’d crash the window.  And I still call myself human.  But you might wonder where my loyalty lies as I did.  Why on earth would I not hesitate for a dog but would for a baby?

Is it because we’re overpopulated?  Because there are far too many babies out there?  Because I don’t like babies or kids in general?  Because I hate humans?  Not exactly.  While the above things have crossed my mind in the past, it’s not the reason.  I don’t hate all humans, only some of them.  I like babies and kids just fine as long as they’re quiet and/or away from me…but I can say the same thing about horses and wild animals…at least the “away from me” part.  Kids just happen to be noisy, smelly, kinda selfish, creatures and well, they’re everywhere!  But as long as I can give a kid back to whomever, I’m good to go!

We are overpopulated and there are far too many babies out there but so what?  Does that justify the ending of a life?  Not to me.  I am sad for every life that ends, be it human, animal, plant life, or anything else that is living that doesn’t fit these categories.  Life, to me, is precious and sacred, regardless of what form it is in.

So why the dog and not the kid?  Dogs are very loyal, giving, and they give unconditional love.  They show it every day.  You go to the bathroom and come out and you’d think you’d been gone for a decade they’re so dang happy to see you!  What other animal out there does the same thing?  None others that I know of but well I’ve not owned too many species of pets so I could be wrong.  I’m told rats are super affectionate but the ones I’ve had were more interested in food than cuddles.  Which isn’t to say that dogs don’t all want food too, they do!  But goodness do they like to stick by you!  Some are more glued to your hip than others but they’re all very loving.

I always thought I was a cat person…cat lover… I even changed my name to an all cat name for that very purpose.  There were other reasons, but that was one of them.  But cats tend to be more independent and solitary.  They love you from afar.  They care but don’t always show it.    They’re the divas of the world.  See me when I want you to see me and hug me only if I’m allowing you, otherwise, just leave me alone!  Gotta love the cats, they make you love them more by being so aloof and conceited.  But cats don’t, in general, like road trips.   And it’s their very nature that keeps them at home, safe and sound.

Dogs, not so much.  Their constant want to be with you attitude makes owners make bad decisions.  It’s a hot day but Fido wants to come out with you.  He gets so sad when you leave him/her at home!  So, Fido goes with you and s/he’s so happy go lucky, you take him/her everywhere.  And then you have to go shopping.  It will only take five minutes you think… but we know that’s never true.  The lines get too long, the produce isn’t right, the brands are hard to pick through because they don’t have yours… whatever the reason.. it’s hardly EVER five minutes!  Meanwhile, Fido cooks in your car…

Their core temperature is about  102.3 so it doesn’t take long to start cooking…  On top of that, dogs get anxious when stressed and start bouncing around more… that raises temperatures too.  You know how it feels when you’re stressed out…suddenly the room’s a sauna even with the air conditioner on.  Dogs are no different and in fact get worse because they CANNOT take their fur coat off.

I worked at veterinary practices as a registered/licensed veterinary technician and I saw far too many cooked dogs come through.  Owners swearing they were only there for three minutes but now Fido is dead on my table…  been in the freezer for an hour and still has a core temperature of 300 degrees.  That’s more than heart breaking, it’s down right infuriating.  How can you let this happen?!?

Maybe if I had seen more cooked babies, my POV would be different, but I haven’t.  I’ve seen a lot of cooked dogs and THAT is why I would crash the window on a dog.  Dogs are so innocent and all they want to do is love!  Babies/kids?  I don’t know… they always seem to want something and the rewards are usually far and few in between…often making people question WHAT were they thinking?!  Then again, I suppose people who don’t understand what it means to own a dog might just ask the same question so I guess I’m just biased.

In the end though, I believe BOTH babies/kids and dogs deserve to live.  They deserve to be protected not forgotten or neglected!!

I had a friend on facebook make a post that said she jimmied a car door once and got a dog out and waited for the owner who started cussing and hollering at her for taking the dog out.  The “five minutes” man had been gone for 18 minutes from the time she found the dog, so who knows how long the dog had ALREADY been in there!  She had a timer and that’s how she knew how long he’d been gone.  She offered this angry man this gem:  “If you can sit in the car with the window as you had it for your dog for 18 minutes, I will give you 20 dollars.”  The man thought she was joking but she showed him the money and he was like OK whatever.  He lasted 3 minutes!  It was then that he realised what he had done and started thanking her profusely!

I will NEVER pass by a crying baby or an agitated animal in the car and just walk on because I fear the law or retaliation.  I will, most likely, crash the window and await to get arrested.   But maybe, just MAYBE, that baby/pet owner will thank me.  I can’t risk any other outcome though, no baby or dog is staying in the car without me caring!  I will carry around dog money from now on and do as my friend did.  That right there was genius.  If you can stand your “five minutes” in the car, I can give you money, but I can assure you that you will have a different perspective than you had before you just left for them “five minutes.”

And for those of you that don’t do this or don’t have kids or pets?  Try it.  Go sit in your car for as long as you can with the windows up.  Then try it with the windows “cracked” and see what happens.  Hint: It doesn’t get any cooler and sometimes it gets even HOTTER.
Now do the same thing but with a fur coat on…  See for yourself what Fido feels…  Then come talk to me and let’s go save more lives!!